On Silent Battles

This year has been a roller coaster for me. The battles that I chose to live with were way past my limit and capabilities. You’d even call me a fool. But there is no going back and I must live with the consequences of my choices. This has made me aware of the strength of my commitments, things that are important to me and the nuisance that I acquired. 

These choices aren’t personal or professional. They are my choices in totality, the kind of life I wanted right now and the kind of life I imagined to live eventually. Nothing has changed in that respect. 

Everyone used to say the path to healing and success is a non-linear one. I understand that now. I can feel the neurons altering in my head and spine with a tingling sensation. (This is possible, Check – Neuroplasticity). I am not yet sure about the kind of person I am becoming but I am not scared or running out of time. 

I am very proud of the way I handled some things. The battle is not over yet and although I have no strength left if a contingency hits up, I am positive about the future. I am brave enough to acknowledge my shortcomings and as a wise dwarf used to say, no one can use it against me. I can always fix them if I am aware of them and work everyday to be better.  

I have gone through many major transitions in my life and during all of them, I hoped, “I’ll be myself after this is over.” The reality is, I had always been myself. Transitions are tests of our integrity. If the values that define us remain intact even after the storm, we can assume we’ve passed. That could be different things for different people. For me, it is kindness. I am glad that I protected it even at the cost of everything else. 

I look forward to resting, reflecting and rejuvenating in my coming days. May I develop enough courage to fight the silent battles within me. May we all heal from the things we no longer talk about.  

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