Hither and Thither

I have been a book person all my life. Since I was as little as 5, I used to read everything I got my hands on. My mom says I used to read newspapers upside down even before I joined school. All thanks to her home schooling. 

Everything I have known in my life was through books and it was going well until some time ago. In addition to my academics, I was well educated about world history, countries and their culture, sports and other art forms. But then, something was missing from this theoretical life.  

I had yet to see them live. The misery in life, the joy of having a dream, the kind of love that makes you wanna squeeze your heart out, the pain of loss, grief, the bliss of getting what you desire. These things were just another word in my vocabulary. 

That’s when I realized, I need to stop being a bookworm and be a part of a story myself.

But facing all these aspects firsthand wasn’t very comfortable at all. Meeting what would have been fictional characters in real life was overwhelming. My beliefs were challenged countless of times, my ego and self esteem shattered and renewed in cycles. Years passed in total chaos, I didn’t like my own story much. Needless to say, it wasn’t very shareable. I haven’t been writing at all and partly, my own insecurities of not finding my story to be worth shareable is to be blamed.

But that is not how the world works, is it? 

No matter how imperfect, it is still a story. There is music that gave me goosebumps, movies that turned around my outlook on life, people that I converse with who inspired me to my core. There are places I traveled to and opportunities I missed while making such choices.There are sacrifices I made to achieve things and there are memories I made in the process. These have all shaped me into a different human being altogether. Can’t say better or worse but yes, different.

It is very easy to be a good person theoretically and especially if you do nothing. Empathy comes naturally from behind a desk through a keyboard and screen. But real life is just the opposite. You’ll always trigger people benefiting from injustice if you speak or act against it. You have to be sufficient yourself before you can give. These things, I never learnt from books. Or didn’t care to notice, I guess. 

I wonder what I will unlock in the coming year. Maybe the excess of these understanding will sharpen me into a kinder person, or maybe simply turn me into a misanthrope. That only time can tell.  

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